We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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