Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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