just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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