Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
