So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
