my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
