We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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