party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
