all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
only if we run a train.
done.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
