You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
