I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
