So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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