I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
