you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
