I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
