Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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