:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
