I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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