i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
