At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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