member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
