Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
