1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
