I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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