Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
