Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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