I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
