watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
