It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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