I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Less talking, more tequila
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
