Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
