I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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