somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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