if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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