her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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