Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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