never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
