I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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