captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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