It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
