my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
