thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
