Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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