The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
