The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
