she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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