After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Randomize
