So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
