and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The feeling are messing with the penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
