im drinking this country out of the recession.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
