I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
