Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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