Barsexuality is the new black.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
