apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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