I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
