Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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