All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
