is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
