Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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