I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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