You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
