There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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