he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
