when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
