I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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