I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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