When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh god it's open bar.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
