So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
