made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
