Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
